Lux I

De nuevo robándole los pensamientos a otra de mis creaciones, más que nada por no perderlos todos esta vez, la mitad se han traspapelado ya.

[Every page is covered in a delicated calligraphy, maybe too ornated, that suggest that the writer is a woman, probably a young one]

Day 3798

It is my fifth day here in Aragon and I finally find a moment to sit alone with a sheet of paper. It is so strange... there is something happening with my memory, since I have not the slightest reminiscence about who was I before the moment of finding myself naked in that beautiful grassland.
I harbour no doubt about my name: Lux Lager. And I also know some facts about myself, although some of them just come to me in a sudden way, as the certainty I had that that raw meat could easily make me faint even before sinking my hands in the barrel; as the fact that I do not like hunting; as the relax I knew I would find in sewing... Not really crucial facts, just some brushstrokes of what conform a person

[The writing seems to end abruptly, as if the writer just left it unfinished]

Day 3799

I have already mended the pants, they feel far more comfortable now, and a bit more demure. It ain't exactly that I am that prudish, but... I am afraid that I am getting more attention than I should from the guys, and I would not like let it lead to an awkward situation, I like this place too much.
Or maybe I am just being terribly conceited and they are only being nice, but better safe than sorry.
Wesley kindly lent me his place for a moment of privacy while I was mending the trousers. That man is really intriguing, he has a strange ability to bend and twist words, making them tickle, caress and arouse you in the very dephts of your brain. I feel more intrigued after seeing his house; the naked rafters, those marks in the walls. Rage? I am not proud to confess that I felt really tempted to peek in the room after the arch.

Paul and Crow are really nice too. I find particularly adorable Crow's enthusiasm towards... well, almost towards everything. It makes me sometimes wish I was not so... moderate in showing some inner... whatever.

Today one of the sleepy women woke too, Lily is her name. It made me glad see that not only the men are lively around here, and I would really like to have a friend to talk about laces and embroidery with.

And it seems we are going to have a party! Crow even suggested he might sing us something, which would be simply delightful. I am sure this other woman, Estrella, needs a party. She does not seem exactly friendly, but I guess it is only natural after a loss. Maybe a good party and a bit of bliss is what this place needs, there is a cloud of sorrow hanging over them for some moments. Survivors, as Wesley said... and I can not help feel like cuddling them and try to... bah, I am "talking" nonsense again.

Day 3801

I have been dealing with a strange feeling of uneasiness whose origin I can not identify. I am right now "hidden" knitting a wool beanie and a pair of mittens for Estrella, she told us yesterday it was her spawnday and I felt like making something for her... but in a more selfish note I also felt like being alone and I really can not understand why. I even switched off the radio, because the distant voices were perturbing me. Why am I so retiring today?

Is really cowardice a protection against temptation? Would it really be that bad trying to scratch the itch of my curiosity?

Why do I suddenly have this perturbing sense of dread, as if a dark foreboding? Does it has something to do with that nightmare or... vision? That spectral image... I would swear that I was not only wide awake, but fully conscious, and surely it was before even wetting my lips in that liquid fire that I hope not to taste again... Anyhow, I will not ask him, whatever it was, belongs to his privacy. And I somehow feel that the mist grows thinner since that night...

All I seem to have today are questions, not even a single answer.

Day 3803

Today we received a lovely visit: Jackeline Sindar; her genuine curiosity about everything that surrounds her is just charming. She arrived here looking for a radio repeater, it appears there were one in some city nearby but they did not let her have a look at it; she settled for a transmitter then, so I tried to be a nice hostess and offered Wesley's radio. I was more reluctant to offer her my own body though when, after examining carefully the device, she expressed her curiosity about healing and treating the human body.
Apparently she is a roaming traveller, but I hope we will be able to keep her curiosity enough satisfied yet enough aroused to have her around for some time.

Day 3805

I think Crow is harboring some feelings towards me. And I hope I am mistaken, because he is just adorable but that sounds really rushed. And also... well, there is my growing... curiosity?.

I was still "hidden" in the Haven, actually I have kind of taken over this building as the seawing headquarters, and he got in to have a nice talk. I still was trying to get rid of the... threads of that cold mist that I was feeling wrapping me and I must admit that I enjoyed a bit of warm sympathy.

We talked about writing, he was curious about my notebook, so I took out this diary pages and let him have a look at the rest. When he read the text about the wraith... well, his reaction surprised me, he gazed into my eyes and asked me if that was about Wesley; I cannot understand how he linked those concepts and when I asked he only answered that he was no stupid and seemed somewhat uncomfortable, so I tried to redirect the conversation towards his music and still have no clue about that weird linking. We talked long and I told him about that sensation of ice about to crack under my feet. He said then that he was afraid of losing me... I did not wanted to go into great detail about that; his words, the way he was looking at me... I was afraid that he could say something that he would after regret, something that I did not want to hear, something that would break that ice and make someone come down into the freezing water... so I just answered jokingly that I was not planning leaving Aragon.

The song he has been working on... it appears it was for me. He left it on the floor but then told me he preferred if I do not read it. Artists can be very complicated!

Day 3808

...there is a gift hidden in the hoard, in the depths of the Dragon's lair...
Gosh, I still feel him inside of me, the burning breath of the dragon making me plead for more.

Day 3815

Wild...

Day 3817

Things have been quite peaceful here lately. At least, out of the dragon's lair. The drywall... now I cannot help a foolish giggle when I remember my first impression.

I had a nice talk with C. the other day, he is so sweet. It seems my intuition was right, he was having some romantic feelings towards me. He also told me he noticed something in the way I look W. and that he truly thinks I could make him happy; that made him work on those feelings til turning them in a wholehearted friendship, in something fraternal. My big bro, as he says.

Making him happy... I must admit that there is also a selfish motivation in that, because nothing makes me happier than being conscious that his smile is more frequent now, wider.